Well I'm guessing what little audience I had built is probably not going to see this so this if for me. I kind of need to get some things out.Some how in the last few months I have lost myself. Between the new job, the new house, the new businesses I have lost what really makes me well-me. During the day i am running around for work trying to make sure that there is no need for anyone to be looking for me because what ever it is that they may ask me to do is already done. The job isn't really stressful until some type of conference is going on so that shouldn't bug me. Yet I feel like there is something missing. I should be doing more because I know the Greenland trip is coming up sooner than I really want it to.
School has actually been pretty easy and yet I feel like I am not really applying myself the way I should. I do my work I just don't take it to that next level that I have always prided myself on doing. That extra bit that truly makes the professor go "Wow".
I feel like I have let my wife down in a way that I can't really explain. In high school I was always full of ideas and prospects but they have seemed to fade with time. I wanted to be an extraordinary husband. I wanted to be the one that other wives get jealous over. I feel like I am just like any of the other ones just doing the bare minimum to make her not fuss.
Then there are my businesses. I see the possibilities of making them work but getting doors shut in my face time after time has lead me to believe that I (not my services) are the problem. It is a hard thing to deal with when you feel like you are a failure.
I won't even talk about my friends and family. I feel like I have neglected them. I don't call regularly. I don't invite them over for dinner or do things that I always saw myself doing as an adult.
I mean I can't even figure out what I want to do with my life! I'm 28 and I just plain don't know. Can I do a lot of things, yes. Do I want to do a lot of things,,,no. What the freak is that???
I can't keep doing the same thing. I have to make some dramatic changes in my life before it is to late. I have to prioritize. I have to set some new goals. I have to accept some new challenges. I have to reach for a new ring. The great part is that I recognize the problem, now I just have to tackle it. Now just where to start???
